Hockey Talk - For Dummies!
The Pabst Colorado Pond Hockey Tournament is unique in many aspects. Heck, hockey players are unique in many aspects. Hockey players are so unique they’ve developed their own form of language. It can be difficult at times to understand a hockey player. Their words are muffled through grizzly beards as they whistle through missing teeth. That’s why we developed an encyclopedia of knowledge, to help communicate with players from our tournament.
Remember, hockey players are not to be messed with. If you’re going to chirp, you might as well know what they're saying back to you, eh!
Eh! – This is a must have when finishing sentences. As in “Hey buddy, it must be hard to eat with no hands, eh?” Throwing in an, eh! After each sentence is essential to polishing off a solid chirp.
Chirp- This is a friendly reminder to opponents that sticks and pucks, might break their butts, but words… words will always hurt pride. There’s no better way of getting into the head of an opponent than reminding them they’re softer than a roll of 10 ply toilet paper.
Bud/Buddy- Never, and we mean never, call a hockey player by their first name. Everyone on the ice, teammate or opponent should always be referred to as bud/buddy. Keep in mind hockey is a physical sport. Head trauma makes it hard to remember names. Just keep it simple!
Wheels- Speed baby, speed! Reserve this hockey talk for the fastest player on the ice. Generally, if someone is wheeling and dealing with the puck, your safest bet is to get back to the front of the net. It only takes seconds to score a goal. Look at this goal from Connor McDavid as an example of wheels!
Dangles- This hockey talk is reserved for players with slick mittens. Alex Ovechkin is the classic example of dangle, snipe and celly. Check out this goal!
Celly- No, this isn’t getting a phone number from the bench. When a hockey player scores a goal, it’s an automatic reaction to throw hands in the air and shake it like you just don’t care! Check out these awesome celebrations.
Bar-down/Top-cheese- There’s only one way to score a goal and look like the best player on the ice. If you’re going to make the effort of putting the puck in the net, you might as well do it with style. Anything top-shelf and over the goalie’s shoulder is fair game. Always, and we mean always shoot for top corner even when there’s an opportunity to score low. No one remembers a goal that doesn’t look pretty.
Bender- If you’re reading this, and don’t know what a bender is… look in the mirror! Benders are players whose ankles bend over a 45-degree angle. Remember, benders are people too, just not good hockey players. It’s a good idea to keep an extra roll of tape in your bag to add additional ankle support to anyone unfortunately labeled “bender”.
Dusty- Do you ever pull your bag out of storage, shake off cobwebs, and cough from dust? If so, congratulations you're a dusty hockey player. Dusty can be applied to many people but it's generally reserved for players whose gear hasn’t been touched in years… and it shows. Don’t worry though. We always have a broom off to the side at Pabst Colorado Pond Hockey Tournament to sweep the ice if it gets too dusty.
We could spend all day writing down hockey terms for you to learn. The best way is to play the game of hockey and acquire knowledge as it comes. If you have any questions about what someone is saying to you, ask a teammate who’s played longer. Or, use Google!
We look forward to seeing you at this year’s tournament. Cheers everyone!
Pabst Colorado Pond Hockey Tournament
February 14-16, 2020